- Q. I am a 29-year-old call centre executive in a relationship with a 25-year-old journalist. We have been seeing each other for 4 years and it has been all good, even sexually. However, recently we have noticed that he loses his erection in the middle of foreplay and sometimes even while having intercourse. We haven't faced this problem before but now he is not able to retain his erection for a long time. This is making him irritated and we are quarrelling more often now. I feel that it is taking a toll on his mental health as well as our relationship. I sometimes also feel that he has probably lost interest in me or maybe I don't seem attractive to him anymore. It also occurs to me that it is probably me making some kind of mistake while he loses his erection in the middle of foreplay that is making the situation even worse. Please guide me on how should I handle him losing erection in the middle of us having sex?
Ans. First of all, you will have to be familiar with the concept of performance anxiety and understand that none of this is your fault. If he loses erection in between sex, it doesn't mean that you are not attractive or the love between the two of you has diminished, in fact, it can probably have a connection with performance anxiety or stress. Too much work stress could be the reason behind him not being able to hold on to his erection.
Here's what you should do when he loses his erection during foreplay:
Don't stop: Do not stop the foreplay. Keep caressing him and playing with his penis right. Indulge in smooching, licking and oral sex when you feel that he might lose his erection. Suddenly stopping when he is not getting hard will make him more conscious about his performance.
Talk dirty: If you feel that he has suddenly lost his erection, look into his eyes and talk dirty, slightly challenge him to pin you down and make you feel right. Encouraging him to do it for you may make him hard on again. However, don't go overboard if you see him visibly angry or disappointed.
Talk to him about it later: Have a conversation with him about it later on and tell him that it is perfectly all right to feel a certain way and not be able to hold on an erection. Give him the support he needs.
Check for the environment you are having sex in: Try to think of something that could be turning him down, it could be the joint family environment or any other physical distress. Take him out for a trip or something where you two have time for yourself.
If you feel that nothing is working, opt for sex counselling from a sexologist. There could possibly be an underlying problem that may be causing him to lose his erection. Excessive smoking could also have a role to play in this case so beware.
(This article is written for an informative purpose and should not be substituted for medical advice. Kindly consult your doctor before trying any tips.)