It appears that our society only expects someone to be a victim or a survivor when he or she is weak. Recently, an abusive man who brutally abused his wife for four years and even trained his son to call his mother a slag and a slut was cleared after the female judge said the mother coped too well with the abuse for him to be convicted under domestic violence legislation. She was deemed “too strong and capable” to be considered a victim. #ThisIsNotConsent: Women Flood Twitter With Underwear Photos After It Was Used as Evidence in Rape Trial in Ireland.
According to the Daily Mail, 35-year-old Paul Measor subjected his 24-year-old ex-partner Lauren Smith to daily exploitation. Lauren recorded nine of Measor’s vile rants, which were played at the Teesside Magistrates' Court, Middlesbrough, England. In one of the recordings, their toddler was heard telling Lauren to "f*ck off" and calling her a "slag" and "slut" following Measor’s instruction. He was also heard spitting on her face during his outbursts. In the trial, the mother revealed that Measor would track her movements using an application whenever she went out. She had to send him Snapchats to prove where she was, and her ex-husband would know her phone and social media passwords.
The District Judge Helen Cousins in her ruling said, “I have to be satisfied the behaviour was controlling, coercive, and it had a serious effect on the victim. There’s no doubt the victim is a strong and capable woman, whose evidence was truthful. She has since successfully removed herself from the harmful situation. It is to her credit that I cannot find the defendant’s behaviour had a serious effect on her in the context of the guidelines for this offence.”
But Lauren, a school learning manager said, “You learn to put on a brave face and to be strong, but the damage that type of thing does when it happens day in day out should be obvious. It has had a serious effect. I’m still attending a domestic violence support group, my confidence has been badly knocked, and I struggle to trust people.”