Q: I need some help ASAP. I am a 25-year-old working professional soon to get married to my boyfriend of five years. We are a great couple who have shared values, and likes and dislikes. We have been told we look great together, and I am deeply in love with him. There is one thing, though. I never enjoyed having sex with him. In fact, I hate it. Although he enjoys it, I find it difficult to get aroused. Sex is usually painful for me, and I wait for him to climax, so my ordeal ends. I don't want to disappoint him in bed, and I am afraid he might leave me if I tell him. Is there something wrong with me? How do I say to him that I hate having sex with him?
Ans: Before you tell him, first figure out why is it that you hate having sex with him. Many women do not enjoy sex for many reasons. It's a common issue which you share with many ladies. The cause can be complicated or really simple, but we have to get to the bottom of it. Because if you don't, it will eventually cause a strain in your relationship.
Firstly, does your boyfriend spend enough time on foreplay? Does he perform oral sex on you? If he doesn't focus on YOUR pleasure, that could be the crux of your problem in bed. When you are not sufficiently turned on, sex can get painful. But he has been attentive towards your needs, and you still can't get turned on, you may have to seek professional help. Can Your Vagina be Too Tight? Here’s What Makes Sex Painful for You.
A lack of intimacy and personal connection between the two of you can also cause a low sex drive. Make sure it isn't any of these problems. Your disinterest in sex could be caused by low libido. Workplace or domestic stress can lead to low sex drive. Sex Query of the Week: How to Make a Woman Orgasm During Sex (Watch Video).
Since you mentioned pain, your condition can also be caused by medical reasons. Endometriosis is a big cause of painful sex. Get yourself checked for this condition by your gynaecologist. Vaginismus, where your pelvic muscles tense up, making penetration difficult, is yet another likely cause.
As you can see, there could be many reasons why you don't enjoy sex. Sometimes, despite being a good couple, the two of you may lack sexual compatibility. And sex is the bedrock for any marriage. Maybe, you don't find your partner sexually attractive and have not come to terms with it. Ultimately, assess your problem from every single angle before you make the life-long commitment.
(This article has been written for informative purposes. Do not substitute it for professional advice.)